10/4/09

October 5, 1979 -October 5, 2009

Dear Doug;
Today should have been our 30th anniversary. If things were different our names would be in the paper, perhaps we'd be planning a cruise or have had a party. It would have been an occasion to celebrate. Today there will be no celebration for you are in heaven my love and I am still on earth. Today will be a day for tears and reflection of all that we shared in what seems like such a short time together. Together we buried five grandparents, one brother, both fathers and aunts and uncles. Together we went through difficult pregnancies, raised four children, and were parents to twelve foster children. Together we built a home, designing, shopping and working side by side. Together we started a business, and together we fought cancer. I cannot imagine doing any of this without you.
I've looked thru the album from our trip to Tenn. last October. We went to Gatlinburg on our honeymoon and always said we'd go back. For our 20th we made plans, then cancelled. I am so glad that we didn't go before. It just feels right that we said hello to our future together in the Great Smokey Mountains and we also said goodbye to our future in the Great Smokey Mountains. While we prayed fervently for a miracle, we both knew last year that it might be the last year. I remember when we drove into town; we were so shocked by how much it had changed. We then talked about how much we had changed too in 29 years. In some ways the weeks spent in Tenn. were the bookends to our marriage; the return trip a bittersweet one in which to recall all that had taken place during our life together. The picture on this page was taken by Debra; the realtor at the time share we visited. We didn't want to purchase a time share; we just wanted the free tickets to Dollywood. Debra picked up on that quickly, and was so touched when she heard why we had returned to Gatlinburg that she skipped the sales pitch and showed us a good time instead, taking our pictures as we went. She wasn't worried about the lost commission, she said God gave her the people for the day. She didn't give us our vouchers, we found her sobbing in the arms of a co-worker, so moved by our story. She gave us hugs and promised to pray. She told her co-workers who treated us like royalty. What a special blessing!!We left with amazement that God so orchestrated this chance meeting with someone who had lost her mother to cancer; who so empathized with us. It was so encouraging to be reminded that God is in the details; He loves us soooo much, He goes with us wherever we go, and His plan is to give us hope and a future. We had several times in the last years when God's hand was so obvious to us. That encourages me today as I face the future without you.
I love you Doug and I miss you more than the day you died. I wonder if we would have lived diffently if we had known from the beginning that we had so little time. My new theme is to be intentional. Your death has really shown me how short our life is and how much time is wasted on meaningless activity. These days have to be used to store up treasures in heaven for soon we'll have to give an account. We think we need so much but you were content to be able to eat, sleep, and talk. You were thankful for the little you had and never complained about the much that cancer took away. Thank you for all that you gave us and all that you taught us. Your cancer journey especially was so full of patience, trust, hope, selflessness, and peace. You left such an example for me and the kids to follow. Thank You!!
Those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength, they will soar on wings as eagles. Is. 40:31

2 comments:

  1. I can only imagine the tears that accompanied this sweet post. Listen to this quote by Max Lucado. It was on a sympathy card I received from Julie after my dad passed away. I love it...."Jesus weeps with you. He weeps for you. He weeps so you will know. Mourning is not disbelieving. He understands the tears."
    I love you!

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  2. Oh Chris I was so touched by your love for Doug and the suffering that must come from his loss. I'm so sorry you didn't get to celebrate your 30th together here on earth. Praying for you today and praising God for your inspiring faith through your tears. BIG HUGS!

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