Prayer

Heavenly Father;
I have just learned of two more women who are in the late stages of their cancer battle. Both have children still at home. Both belong to you. This grieves my heart, as I know it does Yours. We were created sinless, disease, and death free. The medical world says they don't have much time. We look to You who hold all things in the palm of Your hands. If you choose You could still heal them completely, bringing wonder and amazement to all who hear. And we would sing your praises. You may choose to heal them only as they cross over to their new home. And we would sing Your praises. Father please carry them close to You today. Shelter their families under Your wings. May Your Spirit guide those who seek to minister to them but don't know how.
We ask for an extra measure of your strength today, for grace, and the peace that passes all understanding, and for comfort. Thank you that in Jesus a death here really means going HOME. "Though I walk thru the valley of the shadow of death I will fear no evil" In Jesus' name, Amen

Food for thought........

I put Becky on the plane for California recently and I've been thinking about it a lot lately. Do we think about all the the people and things we trust when we fly across the country?? We have to trust the design and the performance of the plane. We trust the mechanics who checked it over before we boarded. We trust that it's been loaded with enough fuel. We trust the security agents that they won't let anyone or anything on board that could harm us. We trust the pilot and co-pilot that they are healthy, well rested and ready to do their jobs. We trust that the flight attendants know how to handle emergencies, and that the oxygen masks and flotation devices will work as planned. We trust the accuracy of the weather reports, the radar, and the abilities of the air traffic controllers. We trust the stability and visibility of the run ways at both ends. We put our very lives in the hands of so many unknown and often unseen people and things with hardly a thought. Why then do we find it so difficult to trust our Heavenly Father with our lives??? While we haven't seen Him we know Him, for He has revealed Himself in His word, and He speaks to our hearts. He has proved Himself over and over to be faithful and trustworthy. He is the same yesterday, today, and forever.
When we fly we give up most of our freedoms at the time we check in. The airline tells us how to pack, how heavy, what is and is not allowed. Security checks our luggage, our persons, may go thru all of our possessions and may do a pat down if they feel it's necessary. We are assigned to a seat and told when to have our seat belts on, when we're allowed to move, to go to the bathroom, to exit. We understand that all of these things are done for our safety. Every rule was established with our best interest in mind. We comply without question or argument. Why then do we find it so difficult to surrender our "freedoms" to the One we know who has our best interest always in His heart. He sees the beginning and the end, our coming and our going, our lying down and our rising up. Why do we think that we can make our own plans?

Walk in Step

Journal: June 13, 2006

""The morning after" Yesterday we heard the word cancer. We thought
we might hear it sometime in the future; but not so soon. It looks like Doug
has lung cancer, but I hate to say that he does because it hasn't been confirmed
yet, and you are a God of miracles. "Yea though I walk through the valley of
The shadow of death I will fear no evil for You are with me. Your rod and
staff, they comfort me. Psalm 23. We feel Your comfort already.
I feel that soon we will enter a cave with many tunnels. It is too dark now
to see the tunnels which may contain surgery, radiation, chemo, job loss, all
sorts of things we haven't seen yet. But...... Jesus will go into the tunnel first
and with His lantern He will show us which paths to take and which ones we
can avoid. One day He will point us to the light at the end of the tunnel and
He will rejoice with us when we step back out into the light.
God give us the wisdom to follow so closely behind Jesus that we do not
stumble along the way.

I looked this up recently while working on my cancer journal; and thought again, as I had soon after I wrote it that this does apply to all of life. I had NO idea when I wrote that all of the twists and turns involved in our cancer journey.
As we begin 2010, we really don't have any idea what this year will include for us - although we often try to plan our own journey. May we all walk in step with Jesus this year, submissive to His perfect plan, curious about what lies ahead,thankful for each moment, each joy, each struggle, and trusting His wisdom and His unfailing love when we don't understand.

Gifts from Heaven

I felt so forgotten, so lost and alone
No one stopped by or picked up the phone
I hosted a party, but invited no one
A lot of self pity before I was done

I feel so ashamed now, so humbled to see
That while I was crying
He was preparing for me
A beautiful package all full of love
Sent from my Father, from heaven above

The first was a phone call
I fell to my knees
I realized I'd been selfish
When she said "can you help please?"

Then came a visit so long and so great
A heart of compassion, a listening ear
Some hugs and some books
And even a tear

The bright yellow flowers were such a surprise
A balm for the heart and a treat for the eyes
Dinner with someone who so understands
And is ready with Scripture as much as she can

All helped me realize in this new season of life
I am much different; no longer a wife
Some of my friendships are gone now it's true
The ones who now bless me are still quite new


God knew who I needed to help me today
I want to look forward, to a brighter day
If I keep looking back on all that I've lost
It will steal today's joy and that's too high a cost

I don't need a whole field of bright blooms it is true
The One who created me, He knows it too.
I just need a little vase with those He hand picked
I have the most beautiful, fragrant bouquet
I know He'll work through you just like today

You will keep praying, and loving and such
You keep encouraging, I need you so much
I hope that you all know the depth of my love
Thank you for being my package from above.

This Old Recliner

I have Doug's old recliner in my bedroom, and some days when I need to I curl up in and finger the tie with his Bible verse and let my memories take me back to the past. This chair has a story; which I'd like to share with you.
Doug's lung cancer was discovered because of a persistant cough which subsided after his lung was removed. However, there were times when something would irritate him and he would have periods of deep, loud coughing. We elevated the head of the bed to help; but when it was bad he couldn't sleep at all laying down. One day I looked at the adds on Craigslist for a used recliner for him. I jotted down several phone numbers and this chair is the first one I called on. A pleasant sounding woman named Polly asked right away if the chair was for me or for someone else so she could tell if it was an appropriate size. I explained that my husband had lung cancer and I wanted something he could sleep in when struggling with a cough. I was astonished when she told me that her husband had also had lung cancer and his had gone to the brain. I told her that Doug's lung cancer had also gone to the brain. She said her dear husband had gone to heaven over four years before and she was finally ready to part with his chair. She invited me to come take a look at it and to hear how God had taken care of her and her family while he was sick and since his death.
I arrived at her apartment with tissues in each hand; prepared for a tear jerking visit. It was not. Polly's voice was strong and her faith evident as she shared how God had brought the two of them together; his struggles with this disease; the things she had learned, and God's provision for every day. She gave me suggestions for caring for Doug and offered to help at any time in the future if I should ever give her a call.
Of course I bought the chair. I had to have it more for the miracle of the meeting than for any other reason. I left with a new song in my heart and an amazement that God could use such an ordinary thing as a Craigslist ad to do something so extraordinary!!!
I haven't talked to Polly since. I think of her whenever I see the chair. Two men with lung cancer slept in that chair. Both were loved,both fought hard, both loved the Lord, both died young, both are in glory. I wonder if they have met.
I have Doug's old recliner in my bedroom; no ordinary chair.

Sequoia Trees

At the time of his death Doug was reading the book "Fireproof Your Life - Building a Faith that Survives the Flames". I read it this summer and was intriqued by the black and white photos of and the information about the sequoia trees. I had a desire to see them in person and was able to do that last week, as this picture of me with one proves. I have learned that they can live for thousands of years despite fires because their bark is two feet thick. But they can smolder for 6-12 months. Man has learned that fires actually help the forest as it dispenses seeds into the soft ash where new trees can grow. The author relates that we all go thru trials and testing to prove our faith. Rarely, does a sequoia die from a lightning strike, it sustains damage, but the tree will heal and remain unshaken. Strong winds make tiny cuts in the bark which make it more pliable and resilient. The roots run in a network reaching more than 200 feet in width. They do not reach their height and beauty until 1,500 years and aren't old until 3,000 years. The sequoias drop their lower branches due to wind, fire, or lightning until only the strongest remain to absorb the most sun and rain. I found so many parallels between the giant Sequoias and the Christian life; especially now, as I endure the pain, wait for the healing, and watch to see what God will produce as a result of the fire. I. Cor. 15:58 " Therefore my beloved brethren, be steadfast, immovable, always abounding in the work of the Lord, knowing that your toil is not in vain in the Lord." A fruitful tree doesn't just take up space; it produces something that benefits others.

Memory Quilt

I made this quilt for Becky's birthday by cutting 15 of Doug's t-shirts into 14" squares. She had given him some of the shirts such as the Providence College one and the trucker one. She has two that match his: WWJD and the Seattle Space Needle. Others were a little worn from so many years of wearing, reminders of our vacations, his love of being a dad, a Christian, fishing and sports. It was bittersweet to work on it; missing the man who once wore these shirts while enjoying the memories of happy days that they each represent. I am so thankful for the idea to use these shirts to make a keepsake I'm sure she'll treasure for a long time. - and I have three sons, so some more quilts to make.....